I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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