Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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