im drinking this country out of the recession.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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