Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
