So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
