i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
