roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
