I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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