are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
