I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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