M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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