The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
