he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
