What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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