I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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