Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
