strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
