bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
