What did we do last night that was yellow?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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