My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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