Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
