Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
