After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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