i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
