your room smells of hookers.
And success
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
