I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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