Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
