i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
