I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
