talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
