I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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