I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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