Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
