This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
