There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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