she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
pray to the hookup gods
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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