So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
