I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
