Have you finally orgasmed yet?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
