i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
