Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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