i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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