so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
