the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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