It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
