the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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