Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
