just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
