This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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