My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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