if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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