Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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