In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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