The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
