bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
