Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
