What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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