I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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